Moss Gathers

  All that there was was the sound of the wind and the tickle f the grass against one side of my face. And then there was a light in the sky, brighter than anything I had ever seen. Then the falling, then the waking with a shudder.

  I make coffee and light the day's first cigarette, trying not to go back to bed every way I know how. I don't know that many ways, so I find myself laying back on the mattress, and wrapping myself back up in the covers that haven't even gotten the chance to get cold yet. I get up an hour later, feed that cats that are mewling on my chest and leave the house so I don't sink back into the cozy trap of home.

  The morning is a tour of things I should have done. I walk through the park where I saw her the first time, and then down the street where we used to live before she said no. Then I'm back, back at home, with the cats and the coffee and shitty little laptop, where the work I'm supposed to do lives. Deadlines, submissions yet to be sent. All the things that pay the bills. Or most of them. Missed the one for the telephone this month. Might  never pay it again. Who uses landlines now anyway?

   Fourteen minutes into what i'm supposed to do, I get restless. Another cup, another cigarette, another walk. This time different route, different memories. Remind me why I didn't move out of this town after? When ever fucking sidewalk brings up memories, and none of them are exactly happy, why do I stay? Probably for the same reason I don't pay the phone bill and I missed the gas and lights last month: laziness, inertia. I am here, and I can live with this, why change it to make myself comfortable and happy? The rent is low. I can eat cheap. I know where things are.

These things don't sound as compelling as they do in my head when I think about moving away.

Third cup, third cigarette. No work done yet. Good morning inertia.

Third walk runs in the track of the first one, and I sit down on the bench where I saw her crying after that asshole left her. Lean against the tree where I kissed her for the first time, drunk and beautiful. I lay down in the  grass where I was for five hours after the end of things, after she flew to Portland. Then I go home, and hope that maybe there's something to watch on t.v. Because it doesn't care if I'm too lazy to move.